Series | Lockdown
Lockdown, Day 29
Hello, everyone; I hope you’re all well, healthy—and trying to enjoy yourself under these situations of the lockdown.
So again, continuing with the questions, “I can see where my children are in their lives; my ‘picture’ has been ripped apart by them.” (Hmm.) “I have responsibility as their father to ensure they’re on good tracks. How do I do this? Mukesh.”
All right, interesting question. You are with your children in this lockdown and you’re seeing that they’re not what you thought you were raising. Okay, so let me just try to answer this question. Are your children a product of you telling them how they should be—or do you include them in the decisions that you make for them?
Do you solicit their help by posing what it is that should happen—and explaining to them why that should happen? And asking them for their solutions, for their help to accomplish it. And not only ask them for their solutions, but help them accomplish this; take their advice in stride; accept their advice.
So, so with your children, you tell them what to do—and you expect them to do it. With your friends, however, you do exactly what I told you before, which is you sit down with them; you explain your problem—and then ask them for advice of how you could possibly do it. And then you listen to them—of course, you listen to them, especially if it’s good advice.
Now, it’s going to take a little time. Your children are not going to come up with perfect answers the first day—because they don’t know. They have to trust you. But do not underestimate your children. Don’t think of them as idiots, because you are the father.
So, give them the respect—and they will give you the respect. It takes to give respect to get respect. It takes two to come to the same conclusion for something to move forward.
So, ask them for their advice: “How would this happen; how could this happen?” That’s exactly what you do when you go to the hospital. You go to the doctor and you say, “Doctor, my arm is hurting. What could I do to help it?” And then the doctor gives you the advice and you accept the advice.
If the doctor tells you, “I’m going to cut off your arm,” and you go, “Well, no, it’s just a little scratch. And you know, why do you want to cut off my arm?” And he goes, “Well, I like cutting arms off; thank you,” you would say, “No, I don’t like you as a doctor; I’m going to go find somebody else.”
It takes that trust that you have to form with your family, with your wife, with your children. You want to be the dictator of your family. But believe me, your empire is going to backfire.
You, right now, (I don’t know how old your children are), but if you’re talking about just ripping down the pictures, listen, your entire empire is going to get ripped apart—if you don’t do things in a way where they’re included in coming up with the solution....
I have seen kids come up with solutions, that cannot even talk properly yet, that young. You just have to ask them, “So, what do you think; how do you think we should do it?” And they will come up with it, you know, “What can we do.”
Even if the child is not doing well in school, it’s like, “Well, you know, what would it take to start helping you get better at school?” And take their advisement; they’ll think about it. Are they not capable of thinking? They are absolutely capable of thinking—and believe me, you’ll be surprised; you will be very, very surprised.
So, please, first of all, give some respect to your children—if you want some respect from them—and include them in your decision-making process.
You know, don’t become like this, you know—not all politicians are bad but some politicians, you know, they show up—they’ll bend over backwards when they want your vote. And then after that, they’ll slap you (for I don’t know, for whatever the reason is). So, don’t become that; don’t become that. Be a father. That’s what a father means, fathering.
You’re a father; you’re not a dictator; you’re not a slave-owner. You’re not there to produce slaves for yourself. You’re a father—and fathering means to help your children understand the process of decision-making, of all those things that it takes to be.
And I just see that so many people have created, you know, an impossible task in front of them—because they don’t want to, you know, “include, include”—because when you do, then you have a team. When your family—not only then you have a family, but you have a family team.
And when you have that team, then you have teamwork that’s going on. And it is wonderful; it’s just great. And that teamwork can be so lovely, can be so beautiful. So, that’s what you have to work on. So I hope this makes sense.
Here is one from Raffaele, “I would like nothing more than ‘being there’ in every moment of my life. Can we not exercise our roles by remaining with that love, even during the most banal daily actions of our existence? Is it possible to make them live together constantly, self-action and experience? Is it within our reach to become so capable?”
Yes, we can exercise our roles—but it all has to come with consciousness, not just.... You know, first of all, let me ask you one question: “Do you have a picture of this in your mind, of what this looks like?” Because if you do, you’re setting yourself up; you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Many people have that, you know, just like, “Well, but this is what’s going to happen, you know, and everybody will be liberated and this and that,” and there are plenty in this world that create these pictures. But these pictures are what trips us and makes these very simple, very simple things virtually impossible.
So, you know, please, first, get rid of that picture. And then, then whatever happens will happen, in that sense....
So, another question, “I came into this life with or learned to have a high level of anxiety,” this is from Celeste; “I wonder if I can change my nature and leave it behind.” Yes, you don’t need to become anxious. I think the more you are in control of your life and what happens in this life, the more there would be less of a reason to be anxious.
You know, and of course, sometimes getting overanxious is a very physical thing and for that, you need to see a doctor or you need to see a psychologist who can help you. But definitely, more you are in control of your life, the less reason there is to be anxious. So, I hope that helps.
“Have you any words of inspiration”—this is from Victoria—“Have you any words of inspiration to help me take control of my day please?” Yes. Be confident. Understand what this control is.
It’s not like, all of a sudden, you will become that Mickey Mouse, you know, wizard that just waves his finger and the broom comes out of the closet and starts washing the floor, and the bucket starts pouring water and all of that stuff; that’s not what it’s about.
It’s you, you being full, you being—understanding of yourself, of saying, “Okay, if this doesn’t work, I’m fine with it. I am fine. I am fine.” Not, “If this doesn’t work, that’s it for me.” No. “If this doesn’t work, I’m still fine. I will be okay. I will be okay.”
If you’re boiling your beans; it’s a disaster; the beans are all over the place—you know, don’t freak; order a pizza. After all, what you need is food. It doesn’t have to be beans that day; maybe you can cook beans the next day. Take what you have learned and apply it and make better beans the next day, not making it a disaster.
Sometimes it is as simple as that. Sometimes, of course, it’s not as simple as that—but each day, understand its preciousness—and what you have control over. You must know what you have control over and what you don’t have control over.
And a lot of people don’t know what they don’t have control over and they try to gain control over those things; it’s going to be a disaster. You know, it is going to be a disaster.
What do you have control over? How you feel. It’s not the situation; it is how you react to it. This is abundantly clear. So, in your life, each day, make that effort, be conscious and move forward.
“I realized recently that I’m stuck in my life, not because of COVID virus—because I work in the middle of it; I had the virus and I’m cured—a few symptoms left, but nothing serious. My trouble is I can’t seem to digest what is happening.
“Courage I do have. That’s why I wake up and go to work. But the old people dying alone and not given a fighting chance, being refused intensive care just because of a freaking number, their age—honestly, I know some people who are fresher at eighty-six or ninety-two years old than some fifty-year-olds.
“Plus, being a doctor, it’s my responsibility to give the news, not only to the sick, but also to the family. It’s really horrible. How do I deal with the guilt? I know it’s out of my hands; but then why the guilt?”
No, you don’t need to feel guilty. You do not need to feel guilty. You are in this precarious position, very much so.
Arjun says, in the middle of the battlefield—this is exactly what Arjun says; he says, “I’m not fighting. I know these people. You know, I don’t want to be the one responsible for killing them. You know, that would be too much, so I’m not going to do it.”
Krishna says, “Do—do what you have to do; do your duty. Don’t worry about the consequences; do your duty.” This is.... And this is a big thing in India—and the Gita opens up this whole chapter of “Duty, do it; don’t worry about the consequences.”
You’re a doctor; you can help people. You have helped so many people. You can continue to help the people. Guilt does not need to come.
What is happening? Bad decisions. Maybe history will reflect itself, reflect on this, bad decisions that are being taken by some leaders, weird things, weird conclusions. And I think this is going to play out for a really, really, really long time.
Because people didn’t have the resources to be able to express their anger or express their fear or express whatever they express—but now they do. And so I think this is going to play out for a really, really long time.
But I would encourage you not to feel guilty; you don’t need to feel guilty. What you need to feel is the courage to move forward—and take that courage, shake it off; that’s what I call it, “shake it off.” This guilt is coming from here. It’s not coming from the heart; it’s coming from here. It’s coming from reasonings.
But in the middle of this fire, it is not the right time to figure out how the fire got started; the best thing is to fight the fire. So, my, what I can say to you—you’re a doctor—is, “Don’t feel guilty; shake it off; move forward and help people, help people like you can. Give them the love; give them the care; give them that—give them that care that you alone can give.” So, good luck to you.
This is from Malaysia, from Yashotha, “My question is, people who get this virus land up in a hospital ward and if they’re bad they’re moved to ICU. If they don’t make it, they die. No family is allowed to visit or be with them.
“Is it really the case of you come alone and you die alone and are sent off or buried by the hospital staff? So sad, I feel for the patient; they want to see their loved ones before they go but are unable to. What is your take on this? If the heart is full, then they won’t feel sad?”
Well, let me put this in some context. I’m not the one who came up with this rule, that they shouldn’t see each other—but I know one thing; that love knows no boundaries; love knows no walls; love knows no distance; love knows no height; love knows no depth. There’s nothing impossible for love. Love knows no barriers. You can love those who you love and you will always love them.
What happens—you are left here to feel the sadness of their loss. At least, they, who have moved on, they’re not feeling the sadness. They don’t know; they’re gone. This is what “gone” means; they have left. They have left that brain behind that made all the reasonings, the eyes that recognized you, the eyes that saw you, the ears that heard you....
And so it’s a different world, in that regard, in that sense. And you need to love them; this is your hope of what their legacy is going to be about. They live in you. Your parents, your grandparents, they live in you.
And yes, it is a terrible, terrible tragedy. But that is the nature of this beast. And the best thing is to love. What you can do—you always have to remember this: “In any situation, what is it that I can do?” Not, “What is it that I cannot do.” That is a waste of time.
But in this situation, every day that this is happening, you must remember what you can do. What you can do is to love: love, love, and love.
So, be safe; be well. Be.