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Chapter 7 - Relationships

Splitting the Arrow - chapter 7
7/28/2017 12:00:00 AM

Relationships

How do we build good relationships with others?
This is an important topic and something

we all have an interest in.

This section is a collection of questions and answers from Prem Rawat’s speaking engagements around the world.

Inmate taking part in the Peace Education Program, San Antonio Dominguez Jail, Texas, USA
My wife of 10 years believes that I ‘ll never be able to change and she left me. How can I show her and my family that I have really changed?
Prem Rawat: If you change just for them it won’t work. The day you change for yourself, they will be there like bees on a flower.
What is amazing is that you have not given up on yourself, and that is what is going to allow you to transform your life.

 

Inmate taking part in the Peace Education Program, Hyderabad Prison, India
Is there such a thing as karma and does that have anything to do with why we are here in prison?
Prem Rawat: If you look at yourself today, and where you are, this is the result of your choices. It has nothing to do with your karma. I recently received this comment from another inmate: ‘Now finally I am learning that it was my choice that got me in here and what I choose will get me out, and what I choose will keep me out.’ But if you go to a spiritualist, he will say, ‘It’s because of your karma that you are here.’ If I am here because of my karma, then what choice do I have?
A human being always has a choice. Always. We are going to be a product of what we choose. Living life requires that you are conscious and that you make conscious choices.

Office worker, Osaka, Japan
Mr Rawat, I have been working in my company for five years now and I don’t get on well with my boss. I tend to get irritated a lot and I find it hard to stay calm and feel good within myself. How can I develop a better working relationship with my boss?
Prem Rawat: It might feel like your relationship with your boss is a source of stress and irritation, and perhaps it is, but there is another, more important element to consider: what is happening within you? When you are not fulfilled, any little thing can make you angry, but when you are fulfilled, in the exact same circumstances, you can just let it pass without getting bothered by it. So the most important element is to resolve the conflict inside you and build a peaceful relationship with you. From that platform you have a much better chance of achieving peaceful relationships with others. Also, anger is a natural human emotion that we feel at times. But it’s a problem if it starts to become your normal mode of operation. If you get angry every day, you are practising it, and you will become an expert at getting angry.
I recommend you become an expert at feeling good within yourself. Little by little, every day, make a conscious effort and you will see a change.

Mother, London, UK
My two-year-old son is always grabbing toys out of his playmates’ hands and sometimes pushes them around in order to get the toy he wants. I want to teach him to be peaceful and kind. What can I do?
Prem Rawat: Young children have the full palette of emotions and they will express all of them, including the more negative emotions like anger and greed. You cannot prevent your young children from going through these different emotions and exploring them. They need to go through that process. All you can do is to provide them with a good environment, your support and love. Given the right support, most kids will pass through these phases quite quickly and choose a more peaceful way of interacting with others. We cannot make that choice for them, but we can give them the best opportunity to make a good choice.

Father,
Sao Paulo, Brazil
What can I do to bring my family more happiness?
Prem Rawat: First of all you need to find the happiness within yourself. A happy dad is the best present you can give your family. On top of that, if you want to make them happy, for five minutes, really listen to them. You want to give five minutes of paradise to your wife? For five minutes, just sit down and listen to her. It is the same for your kids, and indeed for anyone. Really listen to someone is something we often forget to do.

High school student, Johannesburg, South Africa
I recently had an argument with a friend and exchanged some unpleasant words that I wish I hadn’t said. How can we avoid these kinds of arguments and problems?
Prem Rawat: When I say a word, it comes out of my mouth. Then time grabs it and moves it, and now I can’t touch it. I can’t delete it, nor can I edit or change it. Every action I do, time will take it, grab it and move it. Now I have no control over it. That’s why it requires an effort every day, to be aware of what I say and what I do, what I understand, what I accept and what I reject. It is an effort. I’m not saying I have mastered that, because it is not an issue of mastering it. It’s an issue of making that effort continuously. Who has mastered drinking water? Nobody can say they have mastered drinking water and they don’t need to drink it anymore. You get thirsty every day and every day you must drink water. Consciousness is exactly like that. Awareness is exactly that. Every day, every moment, practise being aware.

Young woman,
eating disorder clinic, Palermo, Sicily, Italy
Is it possible to feel peace through affectionate human relationships?
Prem Rawat: First be whole with yourself, otherwise you can’t have a truly successful relationship. When you are strong in yourself then you will be a good partner, a good friend, a good mother. In relationships we learn to lean on each other. There are times when we need that support. It’s like a chair you sit in it when you can’t hold yourself up. But if that chair is weak it won’t support you. It will break and you will fall flat on the ground. When two individuals have their own inner strength, they can lean on each other and they will be there for each other when they have a rough patch in life. But if you are weak on the inside, your relationships are more likely to fail.

Elderly woman,
eating disorder clinic, Palermo, Sicily, Italy
What do you love and what do you fear in life?
Prem Rawat: I love life. I am fascinated that it changes and if I shape it right it evolves. With each day another gift is given, another flower opens.
I have fears too, lots of them. When I fly, as a pilot I am responsible for the lives of everyone on that plane. I am worried about the condition of the plane, the weather, the fuel.
I am afraid of a lot of things. But I don’t have to leave the fear as fear. I can take that fear and do something about it. Fear can either help you or disable you. You can take that fear and change it with your actions, your preparations. You can take steps to ensure that what you fear won’t materialise. Your awareness and practical effort is needed. Living life consciously takes a lot of energy, but that is also when it becomes fun.


University student, Barcelona, Spain
I was wondering, did it ever happen to you that you had bad times, when the problems just never seemed to stop?
Prem Rawat: Of course I have had times like that. I’m a human being. I have had problems it seemed I would never get out of. When the problems come they appear huge, as big as the world. But I try to remember something. My problems are only as big as the space between my ears. They only exist inside this little box we call a cranium. That’s as big as they get.
Most of the time my choices get me into the problems, and my choices can get me out.
This breath is coming into you and every time it does, do you know what it is saying to you? The most powerful thing, this breath, is saying, ‘Go, move, transform, live, exist.’

High school student, Mazara del Vallo, Sicily, Italy
Why do presidents and leaders involve the people in their disputes? Why can’t they just sit down and talk without ruining people’s lives?
Prem Rawat: A long time ago it was the king, in front of his troops, leading them into battle. So negotiations were of utmost importance because no one wanted to get killed. Today the leaders sit in a safe place while they send other people to go and fight. War should not even be an option. To kill another person for your own reasons, should not be accepted.

Company President,
Los Angeles, California, USA
I would like to know more about how this message could be applied in the corporate world?
Prem Rawat: There is a fundamental problem with corporate structure. A human being has dreams, objectives he would like to accomplish. The only way he can do this is to have money so he can pay for his accommodations, food, a car. So he gets a job. The company says, ‘Work for us, and we will give you money and with that money you can do whatever you want.’ This is how it starts. But the company has its own objectives, and soon says to the person, ‘Fulfil our dreams, our goals, not yours.’ This person now has no time for himself. Pretty soon, he gives up. What does he give up on? His dreams, his aspirations. As a result, he is not compatible with the society, family or friends, and the biggest problem, he is not compatible with himself. Peace has gone, dreams have gone. Now he looks forward to retirement. It’s sad. However, the success of a corporation depends on individuals whose batteries are not dead. This message focuses on the battery and when that battery is fully charged, it brings a tremendous benefit.
Company President: Can you be more specific about the benefits that will bring?
Prem Rawat: People who are flourishing as individuals tend to be more flexible and have a greater capacity to evolve and take in new ideas and information. People who are stressed and frustrated in their daily lives tend to have little capacity to evolve and absorb new ideas. They are at their limit just trying to cope. Content human beings are creative. Innovation in business comes from individuals who are flourishing. Most people approach a problem with preconceived ideas of how it should be done. When the batteries are charged, however, people have the ability to look at the same problem from a totally new angle. This message can make a person feel full, restore creativity, enthusiasm, and peace. And of course the corporation will do well when the people who work within it do well. The same principle applies to any group of people working towards a common goal. That group could be a company, a sports team, a school, even a family. When individuals flourish, it brings tremendous benefits to everyone.

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